#!/bin/sh

contact() {
printf '%s\n' '
  ___  _____  ____  ____  _  _  _____  ____  ____
 / __)(  _  )(  _ \( ___)( \/ )(  _  )(_  _)(  _ \
( (__  )(_)(  )(_) ))__)  \  /  )(_)(  _)(_  )(_) )
 \___)(_____)(____/(____)  \/  (_____)(____)(____/

             You made it that far!
    Contact me my friend.

    === DIRECT CONTACT ===
    *    Mail: sh@codevoid.de
    *  Jabber: sh@codevoid.de (OMEMO capable)
    * GPG Key: finger gpg@codevoid.de
    *   Phone: +4917664292517
    * Threema: VUKAWSJ9

    === SOCIAL MEDIA ===
    * Mastodon: https://honk.codevoid.de/u/sh
    *    Twtxt: https://codevoid.de/tw.txt
  
    === INTERNET ===
    *    Web: https://codevoid.de
    * Gopher: gopher://codevoid.de

    === INTERNET RELAY CHAT ===
    *     irc.uugrn.org: sdk
    *   irc.libera.chat: sdk_ (sdk is someone else)
    *   irc.hackint.org: sdk
    *  irc.fu-berlin.de: sdk
    *      irc.oftc.net: sdk_ (sdk is someone else)

Thanks for not using NodeJS
'
}

if [ "$2" == "" ]; then
  contact
fi

if [ "$2" == "finger" ]; then
  contact
fi

if [ "$2" == "touch" ]; then
printf '%s\n' '
Gnihihihi! *touch back*
'
fi

if [ "$2" == "egos" ]; then
printf '%s\n' '
[MAIL] sdf.org              : sdk@
[MAIL] openbsd.org          : sdk@
[MAIL] uugrn.org            : sdk@, sh@
[IRC] irc.libera.chat       : sdk_
[IRC] irc.hackint.org       : sdk
[IRC] irc.fu-berlin.de      : sdk
[IRC] irc.oftc.net          : sdk_
[IRC] irc.uugrn.org         : sdk, sdk_
[ICB] default.icb.net       : sdk, sdk_
[ICB] slackers.openbsd.org  : sdk
[MATRIX] tapenet.org        : sdk
[WEB] github.org            : c0dev0id
[WEB] honk.codevoid.de      : sh@
[WEB] bsd.network           : sh@
[ALL] codevoid.de           : .*
[ALL] midnight.coffee       : .*
[ALL] ptrace.org            : .*

Note that "sdk" on OFTC and Libera Chat is *not* me.
'
fi

if [ "$2" == "sh" ]; then
printf '%s\n' "
Sorry, I'm not at home. Please leave a message.
Hint: finger@codevoid.de
"
fi

if [ "$2" == "sdk" ]; then
printf '%s\n' "
Sorry, I'm not at home. Please leave a message.
"
fi

if [ "$2" == "root" ]; then
printf '%s\n' '
Root is untouchable!
'
fi

if [ "$2" == "sex" ]; then
printf '%s\n' '
UHH OHHH AHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Hmmmm. That was good.
'
fi

if [ "$2" == "fuck" ]; then
printf '%s\n' '
Dude. What the fuck!
'
fi

if [ "$2" == "dick" ]; then
printf '%s\n' '
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFjD_8sVBuQ
'
fi

if [ "$2" == "butt" ]; then
printf '%s\n' '
  https://codevoid.de/9/p/butt.mkv
'
fi

if [ "$2" == "gpg" ]; then
cat /home/www/htdocs/gopher/pubkey.gpg
fi

if [ "$2" == "wheee" ]; then
printf '%s\n' '
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g18ALmN908k
'
fi


if [ "$2" == "gangbang" ]; then
printf '%s\n' '
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfqI7rBEhrM
'
fi

pingcheck() {
    printf "     $1: "
    ping -q -w 1 -c 1 "$1" > /dev/null 2>&1
    [ $? -gt 0 ] && printf "IPv4 [FAILED]:" || printf "IPv4 [OK]:"
    ping6 -q -w 1 -c 1 "$1" > /dev/null 2>&1
    [ $? -gt 0 ] && printf "IPv6 [FAILED]\n" || printf "IPv6 [OK]\n"
}

if [ "$2" == "stats" ]; then

cat /etc/motd | grep -v Welcome | tr -s '\n'

vnstat -t 5 -i vio0
vnstat -d 5 -i vio0
vnstat -h 5 -i vio0
vnstat -5 5 -i vio0
{
printf "\ndisk space\n\n"
{
df -h /home/www /var /tmp
} | sed 's/^/     /g'

printf "\ndomain ping check\n\n"

{
pingcheck dns.codevoid.de
pingcheck elephant.codevoid.de
pingcheck fossil.codevoid.de
pingcheck git.codevoid.de
pingcheck gopher.codevoid.de
pingcheck honk.codevoid.de
pingcheck ip.codevoid.de
pingcheck jabber.codevoid.de
pingcheck mail.codevoid.de
pingcheck music.codevoid.de
pingcheck openbsd.codevoid.de
pingcheck shell.codevoid.de
pingcheck barton.oldbsd.de
pingcheck ascii.uugrn.org
pingcheck chat.uugrn.org
pingcheck fixme.uugrn.org
pingcheck irc.uugrn.org
pingcheck mail2.uugrn.org
pingcheck pad.uugrn.org
pingcheck stammtisch.uugrn.org
pingcheck wiki.uugrn.org
pingcheck www.uugrn.org
} | column -s : -t


printf "\nuptime\n\n"
{
uptime
} | sed 's/^/     /g'

} | sed 's/^/ /g'
echo
fi